you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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