3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Life is so much better after having sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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