What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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