my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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