Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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