A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize