well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize