He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize