either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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