Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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