i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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