bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They are going to name an STD after you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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