I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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