Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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