We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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