We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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