Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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