in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize