She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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