Dude my mom stole all your condoms
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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