Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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