i just sent this text using only my big toe
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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