mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize