Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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