Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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