You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize