I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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