i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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