Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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