the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize