That's intense
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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