I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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