My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize