It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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