i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize