Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize