I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
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I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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