If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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