I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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