Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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