You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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