it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize