This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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