smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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