he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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