You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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