Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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