We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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