So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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