I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He shit in the fireplace
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize